If Jannah Is Your Dream Hold Tight To The Deen <3
I’m looking at her, but she do not look at me. I think of her and ask myself, why is this girl not looking at me. I stand opposite her, but she turns her back to me. I see she rejects me, and I use my words, but why dosn’t she respond? ..I am thinking in my mind I’ll see her tomorrow. She wears a headscarf. She is quite covered, and I see nothing of her parts. I think to myself, and say what should I do now?
I get confused and I would like to have contact with her, but how?. I see all of her friends talking to other boys, laughing and having fun, but she sits alone at her place and read a book that I don’t know which is?. I see her with the headscarf every day, but thinking to myself and ask myself why she wears it all the time? I want to talk to her and look at her, look how she really looks like, but she dosen’t allowed me. One day, we went into each other, and I could feel her, her body touched mine, but I saw that she didn’t look at me. I just stood in front of her and looked at her and did not go my way. She walked away and said; oh no! I thought within myself what I did wrong in this moment since she said oh no? I did nothing?
One day she didn’t came to school, I started thinking about her the whole day while my tears run. I know I am a boy who does not cry, but when she’s not there, I feel myself alone. I sit and think of how my friends never have asked her, such a beautiful girl like her. What is wrong with her, and what is the difference between her and the others ? I do not understand it, but since she wears the scarf, I do not know what it takes, to talk to her or just look at her? I know only that she has beautiful eyes. Why can’t she just look at me or get to know me? I feel something for her, but she obviously feels nothing for me, I look at her when she dosen’t look at me.
I just want the warm side of her, but I can see that she is like a refrigerator. One day at school, she had a presentation about Islam, and the knowledge I learned from her that day I will never forget. I listened to her and looked at her, but she never looked at me, she didn’t look at me even once. She talked a lot while my tears fell down my cheeks, but she didn’t see it. She talked about her faith, and why she wears the scarf. Her faith made me both interested and afraid. She spoke about women and men how they should relate to each other in Islam, it made me confused. I thought about all that she said, and I got to change myself. We got winter vacation, and I read about Islam throughout the holidays, just because she did it and I wanted to see what it led to, how she was I wanted to be too, maybe then I would have contact with her. One day at school after the vacation, she wanted to pray, but the teacher said that she was not allowed. She went on to say why it was important for her, and she was to say something, I got up, went and defended her, and she got allowed. She said thanks, and it was the first time she said something to me, but ofcourse without looking at me again.
I thought it was enough, I took her arm and asked her to teach me to pray. She said ok, but still, her eyes were down. She told me a lot about islam without looking at me. I heard some sounds inside me. My body was shaking, and my mind fell off. I ran my way, and wept as if there was someone after me. I knew something was wrong, but I went home and said Allah! I cried and cried, my eyes couldn’t do it anymore, and I prayed that my sins would be forgiven. I didn’t come to school the day after, the whole day I spent time reading about Islam. I went on and eventually I began to call myself a Muslim. I began to pray, and it helped my days. I went to school, and I saw she was there. She came towards me and said Salamu alaykum and I said w’aleykum salam, where she looked at me, but just for a moment. Then we just talked about Islam, while she heard me talk about Islam, she looked at me. I waited a bit because I wanted to ask her, inshAllah.
She helped me going the right way, it was only that. And for that I thank her as a good Muslim. I ended up not writing to her and talk to her everyday, because it ended up that I proposed to her and she said yes.
